The Death and Legacy of Bobby Griffith
Robert Warren Griffith
“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
In April of 1995 the Page published a story about the death of Las Lomas Alumni Bobby Griffith who had died 12 years prior in 1983.
Joshua Kors’ piece on Bobby Griffith posed an important question: “Now, 12 years after Bobby’s death, the question remains: Could it happen all over again? Or have the times really changed.” To answer Kors’ question: times have not wavered.
According to the Suicide Prevention Resource Center and the Trevor Project, 30% of all suicide victims are gay and lesbian youth. 22 years ago Kors’ found the same statistic from the Department of Health and Human Services, and the percent of suicide victims being gay and lesbian youths was the same, it was 30%.
Now, 34 years after Bobby’s death a new question arises: Why haven’t stories like Bobby’s and progression so many years decreased that 30% over the span of 34 years?
“I think Bobby’s story is important not only as a look into a gay person’s experience of being in a hostile environment but also for Las Lomas students specifically as a reminder of how close to home these things can take place,” explained Andrew Westhafer, the Co-President of the Gender Sexuality Alliance (G.S.A.) 34 years after the suicide of Bobby Griffith on August 27th, 1983.
Bobby Griffith was isolated at Las Lomas because of his sexuality, he kept to himself and was noticeably distancing himself from his peers.“It just seemed like he kind of like started to withdraw and I remember him sometimes walking down the hallway with his head down,” said Nancy Duncan a Las Lomas Alumni from the 1981 graduating class the same class Griffith was going to graduate with.
Bobby Griffith felt the same isolation at home as he did at school. Griffith came out to his mother who insisted that devotion to church would help him.
In a 1995 interview with Page reporter Joshua Kors, Mary Griffith explained that she put bible versus on her son’s mirror in attempt to make him stop sinning, and she sent him to counseling at the Walnut Creek Presbyterian Church.
“Bobby prayed and really thought God would answer his prayers. We all prayed when we went to church. Bobby really believed that God was going to cure him,” said Mary Griffith.
By trying to clear himself of his sins, Bobby became self loathing. Quoted in a Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays biography, Bobby Griffith wrote in his diary saying: “Why did you do this to me, God? Am I going to hell? I need your seal of approval. If I had that, I would be happy. Life is so cruel and unfair.”
Struggling with his identity, Bobby Griffith had a failed suicide attempt when he tried to overdose on aspirin. Mary Griffith heard of this news from Bobby’s older brother Ed Griffith and explains her reaction when talking to Joshua Kors in 1995: “My only concern was that he was going to go to Hell if he didn’t repent… I thought I was going to hell,” said Bobby Griffith’s mother.
Later Bobby Griffith dropped out of Las Lomas two months before graduating and moved to Oregon to live with his boyfriend in 1983; then Bobby Griffith returned after six months: “He looked like he had given up,” said Mary Griffith. “We were still hoping that Bobby would change-that God would come [to] his rescue… I would constantly say ‘Bobby, you can change if you want to’... that’s a horrible thing to say to a child.”
After returning home, Griffith met his family for the last time before he threw himself off of a freeway overpass and died instantly after hitting the cement and an 18 wheeler truck.
“Sadness, very deep sadness… Every time I drive by their house, I look over and feel a sense of loss,” said Brett Leach who went to elementary and high school with Bobby Griffith.
“It’s heartbreaking and unfair,” said Kris Hara Partello, class of 1980.
“We all heard what happened… it was just heartbreaking,” said Nancy Duncan.
Everyone at Las Lomas during 1983 and even past graduating classes was shocked by the news especially because the majority of people didn’t fully understand what Bobby Griffith was going through until he died.
“You kind of get caught up with your friends and so, no, I never really knew all the struggles he was going through,” said Duncan.
“Most people that I knew didn’t know what he was going through. I have a couple friends who knew he struggled with his identity but not the extent,” said Partello, reiterating what Duncan explained.
It wasn’t until the unfortunate suicide of Robert Warren Griffith that made his peers and his family become aware of the severity of the situation he was put in.
“I think that what happened to Bobby made his family realize that being accepting of loved ones is the most important thing of all, more important than what you believe is right or wrong according to whichever God you worship,” explains Co-President of G.S.A., Ava McCandless.
Rainbow Community Center
(310) 547-9343
(925) 692-0090
National Alliance on Mental Illness
1-800-950-6264
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
The Trevor Project – Crisis & Suicide Prevention Lifeline for LGBT+ Youth
1-866-488-7386
What We Can Learn From Bobby’s Story
Bobby Griffith’s suicide prompted Mary Griffith to change her religious beliefs. Mary Griffith in turn became an LGBT+ activist vouching for families to accept and support their children no matter their sexuality or gender. His story, among others changed the way we raise and support LGBT+ youth.
Senior Andrew Westhafer explains: “Bobby’s story have given straight people a look into the hurdles we face as individuals,” said Westhafer. “When they can see the people they hurt experiencing real emotions and being portrayed outside of a stereotype, the consequences of that hatred hopefully becomes more tangible to them. Prayers For Bobby gives us that representation and shares that story that is universal and deeply personal to us at the same time.”
Same sex marriage has been legalized as of 2015 and in 43 states there are people who hold public office and are part of the LGBT+ community, to name a few landmark statistics. But the questions remains: why hasn’t the percent of suicides by gay and lesbian youth wavered over the past 22 years when there has been evident change in LGBT+ rights? Westhafer explains how oppression can be overlooked: “I think we tend to overlook the oppression that LGBT+ individuals face, especially here in the Bay Area. People tend to think that issues like homophobia, transphobia, etc. are not as prevalent as they used to be.”
According the to the Human Rights Campaign, 92% of LGBT+ youth have reported that they have heard negative messages about being LGBT+. In addition, in a 2013 study the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, 67% of hate crime homicides were committed against transgender women of color.
“I think the main reason people are homophobic or otherwise prejudice is because they feel threatened by what they are unfamiliar with or can’t relate to,” said Westhafer.
Bobby’s stories raise a lot of questions about why suicide rates have not gone down, Senior Ava McCandless boils down the message that Bobby and his family gave us: “the people who believe that being gay is against the rules of the Bible that’s not as important as keeping your loved ones alive and you shouldn’t force them to feel like they should kill themselves over religious beliefs.”
It is evident that Bobby Griffith needed support during his years in high school, Nancy Duncan, a peer of Bobby Griffith,explains what she had understood at the time about Bobby’s situation. “You kind of get caught up with your friends… I never really knew all the struggles he was going through and then I ended up going to college down south and then, I moved back up in ‘87… when I moved back up in ‘87, the newspaper was doing a series on being gay in America and on one of the series, they had excerpts from Bobby’s diary printed in the newspaper… It totally all made sense,” said Duncan. “I should have reached out and I probably should have been a better friend.”
According to the Citizens Commission on Human Rights almost 2.2 million children up to the age of 17 are on antidepressants; according to the Center for Discovery 20% percent of all teens have experienced depression and only 30% get treated. This means that 1 in 5 people under 18 are dealing with depression, that there are teens at Las Lomas dealing with depression, and that stories similar to Bobby’s matter because “it brings awareness to this problem,” said McCandless.
Reflecting on Bobby’s Legacy
by Vince Olson Class of 81’
Sadly, I think Bobby’s life story has had much more impact on others in his death than the nineteen short years he was alive. Even if you didn’t know Bobby you can empathize with the entire family. There are many kids that may not be struggling with sexuality, but a number of other issues as well. There is a lot to potentially learn and gain from reaching out to the nice quiet kid in the class.
I don’t know that Bobby knew exactly what he was struggling with initially until he went away to college, so I doubt he could have expressed it during high school. 1982 was such a different time and I would be surprised if the faculty knew what to do, let alone acknowledge that someone killed themselves because they were gay. Either way, I think part of the lesson from this tragedy is the courage it took of Bobby’s mom to question her personal belief system and make changes that aligned in a more loving way.
To acknowledge that everything you based on your faith was wrong and cost you the life of your child; that’s courage. ‘What would you do if you found out your beliefs were incorrect?’ ‘Would you have the courage to make changes?’ The sad thing is we will never know who he would’ve become.”
Quotes From Bobby Griffith’s Diary
“I can’t ever let anyone find out that I’m not straight. It would be so humiliating. My friends would hate me. They might even want to beat me up. And my family? I’ve overheard them. They’ve said they hate gays, and even God hates gays, too. Gays are bad, and God sends bad boys to hell. It really scares me when they are talking about me.”
“I can feel God’s eyes looking down on me with such pity. He can’t help me though, because I’ve chosen sin over righteousness.”
“You can change if you really want to,” they say. “Don’t underestimate the Lord’s power.” God damnit, how in the hell do any of them know? What gives them the right to tell me I’m going to burn in eternal hellfire and damnation? They account my “deviation” to an inherent sinful nature. Well, then, if God gave it to me, I’m going to keep it! They think I’m so blind and stupid, well they’re the ones who are wrong. I feel good about my rebellion."
“Not telling the truth sometimes I feel like I’m at the edge of a cliff, looking down at the crashing surf with nowhere to go but down. I used to have these fun dreams when I was so free. But now, as I fly, I’m afraid. They are telephone lines and electrical wires. How painful it would be to run into one. I wonder if I’ll ever be free again,
Sometimes I hurt so bad… And I’m scared and I’m alone. I’m slowly sinking in a vast lake of quick sand. A bottomless pool. I wish I could crawl under a rock and sleep forever.”
“Nothing I do seems to make a difference. I try and act like them but it feels impossible. It’s an awful feeling to believe you could be headed straight for the fires of hell. Even worse is everyone telling you how simple the solution is. They don’t know what it is to be in my shoes.”
“I think I only write when I’m depressed. Right now I just want to die, just die...I sit here groveling and wonder who in the f*** is up there watching. Is there anyone? I really doubt it. Sometimes I get so mad I feel I could just scream loud enough for God to hear me: “What in the f*** do you think you’re doing sitting on your ass just watching the damn mess you created down here?” But I guess it just echoes around, bouncing from cloud to cloud unheard by anyone.”
